the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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