no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
