I cannot find my penis.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
