I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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