a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
