According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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