Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She's not a foreskin expert like you
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
