i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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