Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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