Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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