Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
