I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
