Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
