After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
