thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
