this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
