i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
