i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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