Four minutes until I can fart!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
