jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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