I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
