I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
