1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
