I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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