We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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