Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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