Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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