i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
