OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize