you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
