her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
