Sponge bath it is.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You ruined the universe
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
