If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
