i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
