My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize