the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
