I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
