I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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