i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize