No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
