I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
be right there i have to get my cape
Randomize
