she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
