I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
