hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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