Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
