I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
