I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
