Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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