Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
