You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
