Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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