Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
