You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
