I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
