i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
