She's JV to your varsity
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
