Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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