he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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