I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She's the barista slut.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
