I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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