Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
