she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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