hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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