Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
if only i could text you this smell
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize