Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
