I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
