Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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