I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
