sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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