i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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